miss independant



(okay,i know that song here, is so not me.but
cm'on i like the lyrics okay!)
yesterday i managed to cut down on cigs.
first i succeeded then, i failed :(
from 10am-5pm, i only smoked 2 sticks.
isnt that a very very very very big thing? im proud of me.
this show that i can persevere. but then, proudness got me over.
in the end of the day i smoked 6sticks altog.
=.- i know, i feel like killing myself.
just caus i achieved something so great i go and do it again.
well, yesterday at work is a bit more busy than usual.
plus, it's raining:(
& that damn umbrella i brought to work, upon
reaching the block, it spoils :( totally, break.
(i know lur,ppl used to say i too violent no matter what i hold
can break. but i alr very gentle now)
for the soup part, i realised as long as you're calm and you know
you're ready for whatever the outcome will be you'll never regret
caus you've gave your best & stay firm.
just like a relationship, only that it takes two to tango.
tarduh!! i didnt get hurt okay, yesterday(:
muahahah:D
was so hungry yesterday but i do not want to spend my moolahs.
i promised lil bro that i will lend him 25$ caus he's going
for his class chalet and he got no $$.
(i know at times, im very evil to him.but i still love & care for him okay!)
so, i rather starve then break my promise.
LOL. guess what i do? i bought a dollar bread (:
when didi came to fetch me, he support me lo
eat my jap food ! lol. he pay, i pay 50cents.
then he never eat teh rice finish, he give me eat.
so touched! he eat little bit only then give me eat.
told him that i've no $25.00 to lend, short of a dollar.
then he say i so silly, 1$ short nevermind de (:
on the way back, i felt so guilty lur, made him buy th jap food.
when he can save for his chalet plus he didnt eat much.
yesterday, was a very peaceful day.
very less text from peoples. those who texted me, idk who.
and also dunno what they send =.-
i just read then delete. then i forgot what they send.
(always liek that)
but nevermind lur, doubt is anythng important ,
upon reminsicing i teared, i laughed hard at the sweetest part.
imagining how silly for all this to ever happened, how blind we both
can be. how impossible we knew we were.
i didnt shed for the worst part instead i shed only for 1 part.
your last sweet nothings;'(
i didnt wanna tell people how much tears i've shed.
i sobbed hard,i ran to the toilet to cry maybe thats the
part that caus me to smoke 3sticks for nothing=.-
i didnt wanna dissapoint anyone, they always thought
im the strongest one among all.
caus i get over someone real fast, but not this time.
caus we didnt even started.
you left me independant, to defend for myself.
now, i've seen whats going through for me.
maybe that fall was all destined, it's a sign for me to
climb up again and never look back.
for all i've done i never regretted i never did.
i was labelled the sweetest girl, the strongest one.
your "big gal", thats what keeps me going.
never did someone called me "big gal".
i dont want this notorious type of glamour.
i buried this ah-lian-in-me deep down (:
i'ma cut down smoking, i'ma be a big girl now.
a good one too(:
reminiscing the time when i was the sweetest girl,
the gentlest one the strongest one.
(& the kindest too)
heh.
i want her back!
i miss dressing up :(
puting on earrings and accesories, dressing to the nine.
now, i'ma go buy some dress and change to a total new me.
i will be back,
ohoh... (they says they miss my american english kind of slang)
_!_ LOL.
ok now, i'ma go plan my big day(biatches reunion)
tata, earthlings!
dont miss me oi!