see me drown, drown deep in you.
caus pictures are deceiving, behind those smiles leads a thousand sorrow.
8:17 PM
i've missed you by 5 mins
i just woke up and here i am blogging after my daily routine of
checks up for my friendster and yadayada =.-
i realised i missed bi by 5 mins again :(
i dont think it matters much to him now.
was waiting for bestieKU to text me last night till very late,
then he tertido plak =.- haiyoyohs! takpe, not the first time kan?
yesterday night follow mok go down and pick busu up.
went to my house the nearest 7-11 at the shell.
saw many familiar faces; iskandar,karthik, hafiz.....
the rest tak kenal lah :( anyway, people keep staring and smiling at me
i caught iskandar's eye but he seems to avoid :( i dont know why.
i cant recall doing anything bad to him? a few months ago we're
still in talking terms, haishh.. maybe so long never contact them already.
made them feel so left out or something. aku tetap sygkan korg lurh.
karthik smiled and say hello, ahhh! didnt knew it was him, i knew he was
familiar; da hansem lahh kann.
bought my ciggs caus i cant keep smoking ang hun my fingers
turn yellow, my lips burnt, my throat sucky =.-
last night dream was i dont know what you call that but i do not wish
to believe in that dream. it felt so sad and unbelievable.
true enough, i woke up with tears in my eye(altho i cant really remember
the content of the dream; consist of two parts)
it goes something like this :
i was engaged to my boyfriend, yes ENGAGED!
at the age of 16 or 18; i cant remember.
i was damn sad, very very very sad.
not because of the unGLAM engagement but because
i NEVER wanted to get engaged or married :(
but still this engagement continued.
his family were in purple and mine were in blue.
no fancy wedding gowns, we're just clad in baju kurong.
then i was too sad to even see whats happening.
okay, then i cant remember already.
how sad is that?
i woke up with tears in my eyes. i do not know why.
i cant even be sure if that guy in my dream is my boyfriend.
till now, im still pretty upset. yes i know it's just a dream.
but you see, that DREAM 4 years ago tells me that dreams DO
COME TRUE OKAY!
ahhh, one thing for sure, i know that in the dream i got engaged
not because i was pregnant. but haiyoh,
nowadays where got people get engaged so young one?
god save me please? tell me the meaning of the dream :(
i need to go buy a book that can intepret dreams.
SERIOUSLY, my bitch(deear) once told me that there's such book,
it's expensive but the worst part was it IS IN MALAY!
haiyoyoyoh. nevermind, at most i will look up the dictionary lah kan?
today i'll be all alone at home, so dont be suprised to see me blog like
4-5 times =.- i've nothing better to do.
okay now, i've gotta go check sgclub; a long long time since i've been active.
byebye see you later
5:56 AM
awwwww!
uhuh, confided in bestieKU (irfan). awwww!
kecoh beh kaypoh lagy ehk bestieKU? (:
MUAHAHAHA:D
how cute can he be? yes, although he's a year younger,
but he never fails to be there neither did he fails to make
me go GAGA(: and and our promises kan bestie kan kan kan?
hah! see, he likes me i likes him too!
suke jehk ehhk, bestieKU? kekek siots!
the one who understand my mix language! (haiyoyohs!)
ahhh, he will try and and ask that HOT guy along; omg!
yes, LOL. caus they knew each other =.- aiyo!
whatever it is, i'll be meeting bestie later in the month!
mesti best kan? ade baby ader, sume best(:
*self-praise*
that day might be the MEET-THE-GUYS-DAY .
hmmmmpfts, i think sooner or later me & bi's gna drift.
ahh, drift yes drift. to the left to the left =.-
hasn't been talking much, hasn't been contacting but ohh..
maybe they says "absence makes the heart grew fonder"
ahhh, dont ply that on me=.-
still very emotional now, i dont know what i should do.
i've stopped reading that book, caus i dont like it.
dont like the body line also, sounds almost the same with the one
i read before :( therefore, my very very kind brother is going to
borrow me a new book tomorrow. better be a nice and interesting one,
if not i shall make him go over and over again.
bitch might be comin over tomorrow at 3 (:
hmmmpfts, she makes me wanna read "braless" so much .
ahhhh, anyway... here i am eating 2 bars of chocolate (:
sorry, i cant help it.. i swear =.-
i finished my ciggs, shall wait for busu to come back and roll for me.
hmmmpfst, i know how to make that smoke effect.
that thick thick smoke then take pics sure nice one (:
DONT TELL YOU, kaypoh!
ahhhh, my bitch so gna be proud of me.
anyway, christmas coming..
all i want for christmas is ... THAT BOBBI BROWN BRUSHES(:
awwww, kidding lahh ehk.
all i want for christmas is .. (______________) fill in the blank.
okay ciaos!
gtg entertain people nows!
c ya baybehh
2:25 AM
easy come easy go
awwwwww! these cute people just spice up my life (:
new friends are pretty much lovable.
to all whom tried so hard to get to know me, thankiu so nice.
ooooh, did i mention i saw a hottie on friendster?!
AWWWW! okay, shaddup =.-
i found the joy in puffing already (:
LOL. still am cutting down; therefore i've to enjoy my every puff.
yes bi asked me today since when i become so jiwang?
ahhh, this i do not know :(
afterall i realise jiwangs not that bad what..
granny's out again; her usual mahjong session.
brother hogged the com the whole afternoon.
GLAD, now it's my turn. i'ma stuck my ass here
for another two hour or so.
i missed so many people ;( it's been a long time since
i mingle and mix and get to know more friend.
i dont deny; im emotional this few days. wna know why?
spell P-M-S ahhh :(
hmmpfts, had stupid stupid cravings think about stupid stupid things.
i realise i dont know how to make someone happy,
but i can make someone laugh and feel love.
but all these applies to everyone except MY BOYFRIEND :(
ahhh, somebody teach me to make him happy.
gawwwwwwwdddddd!
see so many sad face up there already right right right?
new year's coming, i do not know what to do.
anyway, i miss my bitch. she's in camp now:( oh no, she'll
be back TOMORROW! ahhh, yes !
she'll be dropping by tomorrow baby! (:
can i say or can i not say?
okay, my bitch sort of got very angry with me.
she didn't like the way boyfiee treats me, she wants me to
wake up from my dream. ahhh yes the dream :(
i dont want, very reluctant to ! anybody tell me what to do?
okay, now spell STRESS. am muching non-stop on the crackers.
now what?
hear this, my relationship; my say.
sad.. off to munCh.. BYE
Monday, December 8, 2008
10:08 PM
slumber party for two
okay baby, ditch the clothes, put on your bra and boyshort!
let's go PARTAYYYYE , till dawn (:
am still very excited about the upcoming slumber party.
but whether its this month or not, im not very sure.
camwhore,drink,bitch,dance,sing.. what else have i missed out?
dressup-s, makeups...
awwww!
idk if it'll even come true; we just quarreled last night :(
still i bitch her, i still love you joey.
8:36 PM
if it's time to wake up?
thinking hard what baobei said yesterday,afterall it's just a dream.
a dream that is shared by two, consist of two who knew each other
and got seperated but in the end they found each other.
not to reconcile but because of the dream.
what do i want to gain from all this? is this love?
why be together when we dont love each other?
why try to be together when we dont try to love each other?
but as i always said; guys will always be guys.
no matter who you chose to be in a relationship with,
no matter what's the ending, in the end.. you've just gained yourself,
another pocket full of memories; bitter sweet you decide which to
remember and which not to (:
i cant answer those questions i posed to myself;
because everyone will say it's stupid.
yes stupid, i did it or the dream.
caus you weren't there in the dream caus nobody else
except the two of us, you never knew how beautiful it was.
you never knew how amazing it was that two human being can
actually dream of each other in the same dream and aftermath
found each other 4 years after. 4 years, spell that.
that proves, the dream wasn't just any ordinary dream.
maybe we chose to remember but maybe we believe that our other
half is the person in the dream, i do not know.
what i know was, it was never my intention to be in a relationship
with him, we were unsure of each other.
but by taking this step forward, to be together;
maybe it can spell another step closer to fulfilling the dream.
once i fulfill the dream, i dont mind if we have to go our seperate ways.
i swear ;( but has anybody put themselves in my shoes and stop
discriminating my decision? i know it's stupid but i chose this way.
i chose to stay stupid, and to believe in this.
(although i never believed he's my another half)
but i still love him dearly. yes baby, i still love you.
i knew i love you even before i met you.
4:10 AM
;sorry bad quality photos :( taken with my phone.
this is the photo for today; the rest with baobei.
hmmmpfts, here i am blogging at 8.15pm.
i just woke up from my nap 4 hours long nap.
bi stil haven't text me nor have i any news of him
ahhh, spell D-E-P-R-E-S-S-E-D :(
i ate a big plate of rice with i do not know what you call that,
and then i spread nutella on 2 breads and i finish em all:(
yes, today 2 and a half bar of chocolate again.
but hey, i made an improvement i only puffed 4 sticks today(:
say YYYYYYAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!
yes the bitch, did it! maybe caus the weather's too cold.
okay, i had people telling me i looked like 19 years old today =.-
ahhh, and they're so obsessed about knowing my age.
c'mon, LOL. age is just a number right?
anyway, i feel that im fat already, i want to go do some lady marmalade dance.
hah! (random, i know)
okay, i havent touched my book for the whole of today.
that book ; ahhhh! crap =X so many bombastic words.
hmmfpts, i wonder if people judge my age due to my make up?
ahhh, that one i do not know; let me go find out now!
ciaos!
Sunday, December 7, 2008
10:32 PM
cut it short
baobei was late again, nevermind. this time the whole
family was late :( woke up late, later than expected.
partly because someone texted me and then i realised im freezing.
hah! cleaned my nails and then off to bathe and then reapply my
toe nail's coat then make up and then baobei came over.
as expected, she forgot to bring her thumbdrive :(
so pictures will hafto wait till wednesday together with today's photo.
today sucks, i rather not go :( thats why we're back so early.
realise my other family members went to kl and then the rest
was working, sleeping, busy doing their things =.-
and i still bloody take the effort to wear baju melayu altho it's
raining but nobody else did except baobei =.-
argggghh! went to supermarket then, hah! crocodile got sale (:
so bought a white top for bi~ heh, almost same same like the
one i wanted to get him in renoma. if he doesnt wants it,
then i'll use it (: H-O-T!
see the title up there? cut it short.
:( in no mood to blog, bi's not back yet i think?
no msges no online no whatever.
bye,
9:20 AM
flesh and flash
yes,baby! tomorrow, first thing in the morning..
my bitch gonna come and pass me all the pics
for friday in her thumbdrive oiiii(:
this time, not as many scandalous shot.
definitely, not in the mood.
(pssssttt...the rest of the scandalous shot's still not with me)
hmmmpfffts, she didnt wants to pass me her-oh-so-solo-shots.
but goddamnit! i need them to do the darn scrap remember?
awwwww!(: she offered to lend me her dress and belt ;
for this coming very very very big event .
i know, thankiu bitch, but i might want to figure it out myself first.
see that?! that what's real girlfriends are for!
anyway am blogging this at 1.25am.
i rushed my bitch to sleep lest she's late tomorrow again!
then i start reading my book :( so CHIM, my gawddddd!
okay, this post is supposed to be a very very short one,
because it's supposed to be that way.
i'ma go puff and off to bed, earthlings!
wont blog tomorrow:( maybe?
ehk, kecoh lurh. okay, the petite princess need her
beauty rest now :( it's been a long time since a guy said that to me.
no; no guys text me this okay!(now)
used to.... but ..... haish. whatever!
goodbye you!
5:34 AM
awwwwwww!
i'm back from work (: spell NO WORK TOMORROW!
hurrayyyy! hari raya haji spending at my aunty's crib.
not sure if i can catch bi online tomorrow:(
well work today was BORING, so little customer,
so little things to do. and my mp4 died on me
(forgot to charge), yes died on me like 30mins after i start work.
so bored, didnt bring the book didi borrowed from me.
hah, "any place i hang my hat" =.- love story.
shall bring it over to aunty's crib tomorrow,
i dread the idea of applying nail polish tomorrow morning after
bathe, wearing baju melayu, and entertaining kids!
OMFG =.- hah, but i HAVE to learn to like babies by next year.
: ( my new year resolution !
nieways, today send a tray over to the salon and then saw ahgong=.-
hah, this malay lady keep staring at me =.-
me: "i tell mak uh, you never go home after work"
ahgong: "dont say lei, i cut hair only"
LOL. this lady must be thinking why a malay would haf connection
with a pure chinese guy:X _!_ stare summore lurh.
so he keep pester me not to tell granny he went over,
couldn't be any bothered with him then off to work.
no; hibernating (: daddy dropped by, haiyo!
what's up with my life 2 most important guys dropping by on the same day?
HAH. daddy passed me school books money to pass to grann,
and then passed me $20 share with didi.
how nice is he? lol. he'll be coming next week; that means
my allowance should be enough for me to spend on my next outing(:
*psssssttttt.. that is if i save!*
bi's gna be back by tomorrow! awwwwwwww!
i dunno if he'll text me tho :( his phone got confiscated.
blame it on me ;(
uh, i need to go clean off my nail polish later.
wake up early tomorrow; bathe, manicure and then makeup.
*no puffing for tomorrow*
lazy lurhhh. still need to pack my bag, wear my killer heels. omg!
= blister and more blister.
should i not wear my heels? but; buy so expensive than wear twice only.
haiyo, plaster plaster, standby please!
didi's birthday coming already = 27 more days!
my gawdddd! i havent buy him any present yet :(
gna go out on the 29th with my bitch and casper & mok & didi
to get out school stuffs and then off to celebrate his birthday!
[T-O-W-N]
casper & mok getting him that 195++$ puma watch.
(the one with touch screen i think?)
:( unfair! but nevermind f480 2 more months, i'll wait!
then then im going to convince daddy to get me my levis watch.
(the one and only brand; he will get for me)
*smack on my head*
nevermind, i get MY DKNY WATCH MYSELF!(as if)
o.o i forgot to mention; i bumped onto royhan mustaffa and i forgot who.
is it mustaffa the name? cant remember.
i didnt make eye contact with anyone, i thought im going to be late for work,
in lazy mode, practically dragging my flops :(
then trance was still blasting my ear ; as usual( i want to sleep!)
then they keep shouting my name, i cant pretend i did not hear.
my gawdddd! turned, smiled and walk to them.
yadayada - aftermath, royhan asked for a handshake.
didnt make eye contact with them ; none!
then i realised im not the only pathetic one! muahahaha:D
they tak senonoh uh, at bus-stop roll ang hun!
haha! wear so smart then smoke ang hun (:
MY GAWDDDD!
today at work, was chatty. chat with my ladyboss.
about christmas, shopping,sentosa,her kids, new year.
awww! she's a mother of 3 ! my gawdd! i cant believe okay!
she got 3 son, and her figure is wee-weet!
NOT FAT, thin as me (: shorter than me a bit.
pretty ladyy oiii!
i cant even tell that she's 29, not say a mother of any!
okay, today is so the jiwang =.- 3 malay songs playing in my head.
why is it so? i do not know either, okay!
at least i dont miss bi that badly like the first day!
ooooohhhh! i cant wait i cant wait i cant wait for the rest of the pics!
i'm feeling crappy now, oh! dont worry, i feel crappy every night.
i gave up, i gave up, i gave up!
i gave up on shopping, i gave up on YOU, i gave up on my mother.
i miss mummy, but FUCK IT : (
i hate you, hate you, hate you ! get that clear in your head mummy!
you're never forgiven, not now not ever ! (might, if you apologise)
im not that bad okay! i wont disown you, but feel free to disown me!
caus i dont bloody care! =.-
i hate it, i hate you, i hate now! if i never helped you,
i wont hafto go thru all this, if i never has helped you, you wont have
all this! but you were never grateful, you never appreciated!
now TAKE THAT! arggghh! whatever, whatever, i cant be bothered!
hah, now i understand how much didi hate you, he hates you more than i do!
BUT YOU LOVE HIM MORE THAN ME. argggh! shaddup!
i got to go now, i can rants 101 things i hate about my mother.
nuisance=.- i am my brother's mother & sister!
so who not happy with my didi come find me lahh ehk!
BYE!